I think there’s something wrong with my eyes…I can’t take them off of you.

15

My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast.

16

Do you have the time? (she/he gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down.

17

You look a lot like my next girlfriend/boyfriend

17

Can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I’d call when I found someone better.

15

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) ‘Cause I could see myself in your pants.

16

My name might not be Taco Bell, but I sure can spice up your night!

19

Q: “What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?”
A: “I want you inside me!”

14

Jingle bells, Facebook smells, Google+ go away. Myspace yuck, Bing sucks, Twitter ALL the way!

7

When a penguin finds its mate they stay together for the rest of their lives. Will you be my penguin?

9