I am a ricktator in the sack


Walk up to a guy/girl and say, ” Excuse me, I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?”


You know women are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped, which are you?


Excuse me, miss? Hi, I’m doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.


If we were characters from the walking dead, I would be Glenn, and you can be my Maggie.


How about you and i go back to my place and do some math. You and I plus a bed minus our clothes divide our legs and multiply.


I may have one leg but I have something else to balance me out if you know what I’m saying.


Talking to a girl who is just leaving: “Hey you forgot something.” When she turns around and asks what, you just say “ME.”


“When I was little, my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a big Johnson, or a good memory. I forgot what I answered.”


Go up to a good-looking girl and say: “I’m in the process of creating a singles ad and I would like to take your measurements to put down as my dream girl’s figure requirements.