I am a ricktator in the sack


Walk up to a guy/girl and say, ” Excuse me, I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?”


You know women are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped, which are you?


Excuse me, miss? Hi, I’m doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.


If we were characters from the walking dead, I would be Glenn, and you can be my Maggie.


How about you and i go back to my place and do some math. You and I plus a bed minus our clothes divide our legs and multiply.


I may have one leg but I have something else to balance me out if you know what I’m saying.


Talking to a girl who is just leaving: “Hey you forgot something.” When she turns around and asks what, you just say “ME.”


“When I was little, my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a big Johnson, or a good memory. I forgot what I answered.”


Go up to a good-looking girl and say: “I’m in the process of creating a singles ad and I would like to take your measurements to put down as my dream girl’s figure requirements.


I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? And are you disappointed?


There must be something wrong with my eyes; I can’t take them off you.


You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.


Roses are red. My lips are blue. My heart began to beat when I saw you.


Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been shambling and lurching through my mind all day.


If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me and then let me eat it?


I’m a mortition and work with corpses all day, but you’re the right kind of dead for me


I made this ear necklace just for you!


Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Or when you landed on that sharp stick? You should probably take that out, you know.


Hey. You look kinda cute with those twisted legs, torn off jaw and eye dangling on your cheek