I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.

If you were an STI I’d never get rid of you

If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

You’re about as gross as a fit person naked.

Did you know that I saved a girl’s life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?

You and I are like butt-cheeks. We may have crap between us, but we always stick together!

I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on.

You smell like trash. May i take you out.

Girl you’re like a car accident, cause I just can’t look away.

I wish I was toilet paper so I could touch your butt.