Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You’re just like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause obviously you landed on your face

I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

I’m willing to lower my standards if you’re going on a date with me.

Nice legs…what time do they open?

You look fabulous! [pause] for your age.

Do you work at the wood store? Cause I could’ve sworn you gave me wood before.