Grocery Store Pick Up Lines

Those bananas ain’t got nothing on me.

These groceries aren’t for me.  They’re for my grandma.

You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.

(Staring at boxes of cereal) I treat all boxes with respect.

I don’t own a cat.  I’m buying this cat food because I rescue a kitten from a tree at least once a week.

I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don’t wake up alone.

I avoid the candy aisle because I’m sweet enough on my own.

There is no expiration date for true love.

Are those melons fresh?

I’m buying this T-Bone for my dog.  I’m really a vegetarian that respects all walks of life – especially women.

I hate oranges.  Will you be my main squeeze?

I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer’s day.

Do you like hot chocolate?  I like hot chicks.

I believe a woman should eat as much chocolate as she pleases.

What it doesn’t say on the back of that can of whipped cream is that it tastes really good on my skin.

18. I buy garbage bags because I always take out the garbage.

I don’t believe in lean pork.  I like a lady with meat on her bones.

Egg whites are for pussies.  A real man doesn’t criticize an egg for it’s fatty parts, he loves an egg just the way it is.

You are so hot.  I bet I could cook an egg right there on your ass cheek.

I don’t chew gum.  I’d prefer to nibble on your ear while whispering sweet nothings into it.

I have been staring at you from all angles around the store but now that we’re here in the checkout line I feel like it’s appropriate.

Give me your address and I’ll help you put your groceries away.

Paper or latex?  I mean latex or plastic?  You know what I mean.

If I give you my extra coupon will you write my number on it?

Ain’t nothing sticky about those buns – they look nice and smooth.

Just call me Elvis ’cause I love my meat tender.

My meat is very interested in being inside of your fridge.

Did you ever notice that supermarket music is actually ideal for slow dancing with strangers?

It says right here that this frozen pizza is enough for two.

What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3?  You clearly belong in aisle 9.  Aisle 10 is within arm’s reach but that all depends on whether or not you’ll have dinner with me.

I like chicken breast.  Actually, I love all breasts.

I buy chicken breast but I don’t stare at it for too long because I respect what a chicken has to say.

A pretty lady wasn’t on my shopping list but I can be spontaneous.

“Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?”

“Let’s just say that my peach-squeezing skills extend to other fruits as well. Like boobs.”

“Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? But really, I don’t think you’re supposed to put the bananas in your pocket. They have plastic bags for that. […]

“You’ve got a box of those limited edition tattoo fruit roll-ups, and I’ve got a sugar craving and a bunch of extra spit. Let’s get it on.”

“Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh wait, wrong store!”

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got 3 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in your basket. Marry me?”

“Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.”

“What’s your favorite late night snack? Pie? I’ll buy 6 of them. That way you’ll have something to munch on after our fierce yet tender bang sesh.”

“I’d offer to help you carry those bags, but I threw my back out saving an orphan from a runaway paddleboat. Little tyke didn’t even see it coming. Thank god I was there.”