My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

968

You make me harder than a question on university challenge.

123

I’d like to explore your wooket hole.

101

Are you from sjeffield? bacause you’re steelin my heart.

98

Can i take you up the shard?

98

If i said you had a beautiful body world we still both need to get embarrassingly drunk for sexual congress to happen?

121

Did micheal fish just tell everyone there wasn’t going to be a hutticane? because i’ve just been blown away.

93

Have you ever been to cockermouth? because i hear it’s one of the most oleasant market towns in cumbria.

126

Cuppa ??

91

I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.

120

You smell like my mother. I like that.

60

You know what material this is? (Grab your shirt) Boyfriend material.

59

When I heard you came to town I threw my happy sock away… don’t make me buy another sock.

60

As of now, my mother doesn’t have a Facebook account so, if we were to take this thing to the next level, you wouldn’t have to worry about rejecting her inappropriate Family Request.

58

Can I have your number so I can phone you and apologise in the morning?

57

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

66

Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom’s place and watch ‘Dr. Who’?

65

Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.

68

According to this app, only four people in the past sixteen hours have found me so tedious that they’ve unfollowed me. Just saying.

70

If you’re going to say cheesy things, at least find new cheesy things to say.

68