You get me harder than Joe Buck was after Jeter went 2-2

88

I’ll last longer than Yasiel Puig did in the home run derby

88

You’re getting a long one tonight, and I’m not talking about the Home Run Derby

95

Play in my extra innings, I guarantee I’m a long reliever

108

They call me the Arizona D’Backs because I always play ball games late into the night

89

They call me “The Lead” because the A’s bullpen wants to blow me

114

Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has

103

You make my heart as spongey as the A’s infield

91

I’d never have to bench you for coming late

102

My split finger will have your knees buckling

90

After this early morning spring training workout, you wanna come be my afternoon delight?

52

Leave your boyfriend and come with me baby, if he’s is anything like the Brett Anderson trade, he’s got a small, disappointing package

59

My love for you is like the A’s and Daric Barton: it never dies.

53

If you were a reliever, I’d sign you up to a three year contract with a vesting option

70

They call me Jhonny Peralta because my big stick makes up for my lateral deficiencies

61

Looks like you’re the big ticket free agent, and I got a little money to spend.

50

Hey babe, now that the season’s over, lets go back to my place and watch the highlight film

56

Girl are you the Oakland A’s dugout because you’re so full of shit I kNOW YOURE CHEATING ON ME DAMMIT WHAT’S HIS NAME????

64

Babe, I didn’t forget about you, how bout if I call you up this September?

64

Waiting for you is like waiting for a Matt Harvey start. It takes a while, but it’s so worth it in the end.

53