Okay, I’ll be left wing.
Do you play for Bayer Leverkusen? Because you’ve got a Toprak.
Is your name Ciro? Because you’re going to be Immobile after tonight.
Call me Rory Delap, because I’ll be lobbing my balls into your box for 90 minutes.
Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.
Girl: “I’ll be right back!”
Boy: “Okay, I’ll be center forward.
Are you FIFA 15? Because baby you’re my everything.
Are you publicly bad-mouthing a referee in a post-match interview? Because you’ve got fine written all over you
Call me Lionel Messi because I’m going to dribble all over your back line.