Okay, I’ll be left wing.

38

Do you play for Bayer Leverkusen? Because you’ve got a Toprak.

37

Is your name Ciro? Because you’re going to be Immobile after tonight.

33

Call me Rory Delap, because I’ll be lobbing my balls into your box for 90 minutes.

37

Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.

36

Girl: “I’ll be right back!”

33

Boy: “Okay, I’ll be center forward.

35

Are you FIFA 15? Because baby you’re my everything.

31

Are you publicly bad-mouthing a referee in a post-match interview? Because you’ve got fine written all over you

31

Call me Lionel Messi because I’m going to dribble all over your back line.

35