Okay, I’ll be left wing.

5

Do you play for Bayer Leverkusen? Because you’ve got a Toprak.

5

Is your name Ciro? Because you’re going to be Immobile after tonight.

5

Call me Rory Delap, because I’ll be lobbing my balls into your box for 90 minutes.

4

Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.

5

Girl: “I’ll be right back!”

4

Boy: “Okay, I’ll be center forward.

4

Are you FIFA 15? Because baby you’re my everything.

5

Are you publicly bad-mouthing a referee in a post-match interview? Because you’ve got fine written all over you

4

Call me Lionel Messi because I’m going to dribble all over your back line.

5