You smell like my mother. I like that.

46

You know what material this is? (Grab your shirt) Boyfriend material.

43

When I heard you came to town I threw my happy sock away… don’t make me buy another sock.

45

As of now, my mother doesn’t have a Facebook account so, if we were to take this thing to the next level, you wouldn’t have to worry about rejecting her inappropriate Family Request.

43

Can I have your number so I can phone you and apologise in the morning?

42

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

46

Forgive my Kirk-like boldness, but you wanna go back to my mom’s place and watch ‘Dr. Who’?

46

Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.

47

According to this app, only four people in the past sixteen hours have found me so tedious that they’ve unfollowed me. Just saying.

50

If you’re going to say cheesy things, at least find new cheesy things to say.

48