After this early morning spring training workout, you wanna come be my afternoon delight?

19

Leave your boyfriend and come with me baby, if he’s is anything like the Brett Anderson trade, he’s got a small, disappointing package

16

My love for you is like the A’s and Daric Barton: it never dies.

15

If you were a reliever, I’d sign you up to a three year contract with a vesting option

15

They call me Jhonny Peralta because my big stick makes up for my lateral deficiencies

18

Looks like you’re the big ticket free agent, and I got a little money to spend.

15

Hey babe, now that the season’s over, lets go back to my place and watch the highlight film

19

Girl are you the Oakland A’s dugout because you’re so full of shit I kNOW YOURE CHEATING ON ME DAMMIT WHAT’S HIS NAME????

18

Babe, I didn’t forget about you, how bout if I call you up this September?

21

Waiting for you is like waiting for a Matt Harvey start. It takes a while, but it’s so worth it in the end.

20